Prepare to dance as Italian cycle shop presents the new 2010 Bottecchia Supernova with a soundtrack featuring Ray Parker Jr’s greatest and only hit. A song from the early 80s – just the thing to emphasize this bike’s allegedly cutting edge design. Maybe the ghost reference refers to the fading memories of Bottecchia’s illustrious past…

Enjoy the song

Mike Kelly tried hard this season. Every dubious personnel decision (Stefan Lefors as a starting QB??!), every media rant, every spy scandal, and every early season loss of the Winnipeg Blue-Bombers made him look like the inevitable heir to the title. Yes, Mike you could have won the coveted Dave Beckman Award for the worst CFL coach ever.

Unfortunately, even if Mike is not necessarily sly as a fox, he was smart enough to change things around when it became clear his grand scheme was not working. He pulled the plug on the Lefors debacle. He brought in an occasionally competent CFL quarterback like Michael Bishop. He delegated some offensive responsibilities, including play-calling. The sudden improvement in the Blue-Bombers towards the final weeks of the season demonstrates that he put the team before his ego.

Bart Andrus did none of this. He let the Toronto Argonauts sink deeper and deeper into the mire, claiming that mediocrity could be seen at the end of the tunnel - if only he was allowed to carry through his 5 year plan.

Like Mike Kelly, he dispensed with an offensive co-ordinator. Unlike Mike, he stayed in place even as three quarterbacks and 659 receivers failed to demonstrate any vague resemblance of competence.

Bart preached discipline, expelling star players who didn’t live up to his celestial vision. Bart’s team then went on to lead the CFL in penalties.

The Argos’ season ended with a whimper as the Montreal Alouettes crushed Toronto 42-17. As of writing, the Blue-Bombers still have to beat or tie Hamilton to get in the playoffs but at least nobody has made a complete fool of themselves in Winnipeg (except maybe the coach on the radio).

Bart did make one team better this year – the Hamilton Tiger-Cats. Thanks for trading us Arland Bruce III, Bart, we’ll send a card to your forwarding address!

In a moment of insomnia induced masochism, I watched a quarter and a half of the first UFL match between the Las Vegas Locos and the California Redwoods. The nascent league was kind enough to provide an online feed to the clash of the titans. Indeed, given the empty stands, it is probable that the internet viewers here in Italy outnumbered the paying (?) customers in Las Vegas. The tv crew kept the lenses focused tight on the field – keen to avoid showing the barren seating area.

Of course the quality of the football was rubbish. Here is the Youtube video of the first touchdown, scored by a reject qb who had a cup of espresso with the Montreal Alouettes this preseason.

Here is a video by one of the alleged 14,000 fans in attendance, showing the crowded conditions at the stadium:

Yet what struck me, apart from the air of desolation, desperation, and incompetence, was the myopic choice of uniforms. Not only did the 2 teams have exactly the same design, but the colours were so similar that California and Las Vegas players were indistinguishable on video. 

California Locomotives

Las Vegas Redwoods

Bart Andrus is still smiling, the Argos are still losing

Please ignore my previous post about Arland Bruce. I couldn’t stand the guy when he played for Toronto, but now that he’s in Hamilton I think he’s great. Not just because of his catches and his professionalism but because the double-blue scum haven’t won since Bart Andrus decided the Argos could do without the all-star receiver.

Last night, in the Argos’ fifth straight loss, the Ticats won the Labour Day Classic 34-15 and Bruce caught six passes for 115 yards. We didn’t get a groovy touchdown celebration but everything else went right for the exile and his new team.

As Bruce said after the victory, “I think that was probably the worst decision in football that’s ever been made”.

Now Bart and his bunch of superior professionals have to get ready for the rematch on Friday. The Bartman has to look at himself in the mirror. You are at the absolute bottom when Mike Kelly is a more successful CFL head coach than you.

Offence? It's a non-issue.

 a) Tazeworld Poll: Is Mike Kelly the worst CFL coach ever?

b) Because we care: here’s a list of CFL Free Agent Quarterbacks

8 Crandell, Marcus QB Import 5.11 205 1974-01-06 East Carolina

9 Hackney, Darrell QB Import 6.00 235 1983-08-07 Alabama-Birmingham

17 Chang, Timmy QB Import 6.02 207 1981-10-09 Hawaii

7 D'Orazio, Matt QB Import 6.04 215 1976-10-01 Otterbein College

15 Betts, Josh QB Import 6.02 217 1982-08-25 Miami (Ohio)

4 Dinwiddie, Ryan QB Import 6.01 195 1980-11-27 Boise State

7 Banks, Brad QB Import 5.11 207 1980-04-22 Iowa

1 Printers, Casey QB Import 6.02 216 1981-05-16 Florida A&M

8 Kilian, James QB Import 6.04 215 1980-10-24 Tulsa

11 Joseph, Juan QB Import 6.02 188 1987-08-26 Millsaps

10 Roach, Brad QB Import 6'6 245 1985-03-04 Catawba

17 Boyd, Shane QB Import 6.01 230 1982-09-18 Kentucky

6 Meyer, Erik QB Import 6.01 215 1982-12-28 Eastern Washington

7 Sankey, Ben QB Import 6.03 220 1976-12-05 Wake Forest

17 Bishop, Michael QB Import 6.02 223 1976-04-15 Kansas State

 

Argo teammates mourn the end of Bruce's CFL career

It looks like Arland “Preparation H” Bruce III’s days with the Toronto Argonauts are numbered. After his exploits in the end zone this season, most notable for his so-called tribute to Michael Jackson, the self-indisciplined receiver decided to attack his QB and new head coach in the press. Argo boss Bart “the vampire” Andrus provoked the outbust by leaving Bruce out of the lineup for the forthcoming clash of the CFL East titans in Winnipeg because of recent behaviour that called into question the player’s professionalism.

At least the Argos have something to distract the fans from their on-field incompetence.

Enjoy the professionalism of Arland Bruce:

It’s been one day since Chase Clement left the Ticats rookie camp and the world has not ended. The team has had a bit of an embarrassment but will survive and perhaps be more careful in future recruiting. The real victims are free agent QBs like Erik Meyer and Josh Betts who were cut to make way for Clement.

I’ve been enjoying reading the blog and news updates of US college football analyst Nate Griffin. He got the scoop on the family’s explanation for Chase’s quick departure: “He did not feel that the Candian style of football was something that he could be passionate about. He knew right away—(Craig [the father] quotes Chase) he says— “it’s completely different—lots of schemes—a lot of motion. It’s just not what he was trained to do.”

I’m not so sure about the claims in Mr. Griffin’s blog about the pro-football potential of Mr. Clement: “For those of you reading this, I think I can safely say as a College Football Analyst, at the very core, Chase’s leaving camp had nothing to do with his abilities. … Meanwhile, what teams do you think might give him a shot at making their roster?”

Not so sure this affair will have improved his resume in the eyes of NFL or AFL2 teams.

The Hamilton media is reporting that former Rice QB Chase Clement has quit the Hamilton Tiger-Cats rookie camp to pursue “business interests”. It seems like it was just yesterday that the CFL team announced his signing – well, actually it was three days ago.

The player came accompanied by a big reputation, as promoted on websites like examiner.com:

This analyst expects Clement to surprise a few people! However, one of the first things to which Clement will have to become accustomed is how the Canadians spell offense and defense…they spell them…offence and defence!&^*(&*(!

 Well, he sure surprised everyone – even though he didn’t last long enough to learn the local etymology.

The question remains, however, as to what these urgent “business interests” actually were. Here are our top ten alleged possibilities:

10. A position opened up with Casey Printers’ agency for motivational speakers.

9. Just one word: Plastics.

8. He wanted to invest in that General Motors everyone keeps talking about.

7. Just three words: Texas Style Poutine.

6. Who needs football when you can get 200% interest from Madoff and Associates?

5. Shamwow needed a celebrity endorser.

4. “Would you like fries with that sir?”

3. The next big thing: Polaroid. “The photos develop all by themselves.”

2. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire… The A-Team.

1. The bankruptcy proceedings of the NHL Coyotes presents a unique opportunity to bring pro-hockey back to Arizona.